If something doesn’t fit the pattern of our expectations, we expect a story.
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May15th
No CommentsIf (not the song)
Posted in: Articles
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May14th
Shaking the basket
Posted in: Personal
My basket is full of sand, pebbles, soil, shells and so on. I was handed this particular basket, loosely woven but with strong handles. All I have to do is run along carrying it with both hands. I am not to spill it or even set it down. So I take off toward the jetty in the distance. Before I know it, my basket is only half full because much of the sand, soil, and smaller pieces have fallen out through the cracks. I am in no relay and was just told to run down two jetties and back. You can imagine what keeps happening. By the time I begin my return, I’m barely running at all. The basket’s almost completely empty. As I cross the line in the sand that completes my task, I try to hand the basket over. “No,” I’m told. “What’s left is yours.” I’m puzzled but I look down. Inside my basket lays a perfect, unbroken moon shell, a mini whelk, two pieces of smooth sea glass and a nugget of gold the size of my little fingernail. That’s life, for you. It all shakes down and it’s not easy but you usually end up with some treasures.
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May13th
I used to be tethered by seven strong lines. Three have been cut. I don’t feel grounded at all right now. Consider your own tether lines. You have a lot of family members and friends but only a few are your true tethers. Value every single day you have with them holding you stable.
Picture this: You are a tent and are being pitched carefully. Most likely the coming weather won’t be calm. There are key stakes that need to be driven so that lines can be tied firmly. Quite possibly, there are strong trees that could hold a line firm. Even if you had hundreds of lines attached to you, some would loosen or never be tied at all…but there are a few key lines and they must be tied with care. Otherwise, you would just blow away.
The key lines are “your people.” In more recent years I have had seven strong lines. Two were cut swiftly a few years ago. I became disconcerted, sad, scared, anxious. Now another has been severed. I have four left. I don’t feel that I can withstand any strong winds at all right now. Quick – tie some of those other lines or I’ll blow away.
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May11th
Pioneer
Posted in: Uncategorized
This is not an original thought:
If you take the word “one” out of the word “pioneer,” you get “pier.”
Do you think that has anything to do with how the store Pier I got it’s name? -
May9th
I met a man who thought GPS meant, “Go, Pa! SOON!” He was the type who would go straight when the GPS said, “Continue 2/3rds mile on Conrad Street” even though someone took that part of Conrad Street out four years ago and built a Walmart there. He drove right smack dab into the Walmart. Maybe his wife had said, “Honey, could you run into Walmart while you’re out and get a gallon of milk?” He said he would and so he did but, instead of milk, he got five years. Then there was the guy who was in the far right turn lane on a dual highway. His GPS told him to “Turn left onto NE 10th Street, recalculating, turn left, recalculating…” He sat there blocking three lanes of traffic because he was bound and determined (Don’t you just love that? “Bound and determined”) to turn left then. He would not turn right, do a “ewey,” and proceed. In fact, an officer bound him and was determined to revoke his license. If you do not do what your GPS tells you to do, your car will not implode or explode in the crossroad. You should, by all means, name the voice on your GPS. Danny travels with me. He has gotten me from Oakland to Sausalito, Prescott to the Hoover Dam and around a twenty mile backup on the NJTP, but poor old Danny failed me three towns east of home. Once, no matter what I did, he kept recalculating. Finally, after trying a Zen chant in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot, I calmed down and let him start with a fresh slate. The first thing he said was, “Medium iced coffee with a turbo shot, cream and three Splendas.”
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May7th
I’ve gone crazy
Posted in: Personal
We are laughing SO HARD. I just started a verbal paragraph with, “I’m not gonna do this because I’m doing this, and I know you’re not gonna do this because you’re doing that but…” Steve, you would have understood! Oh man, I think I’ve gone crazy. Wanna come? It’s fun.
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May7th
Flower names
Posted in: Uncategorized
Most of us have, at one time or another, looked up the meaning of our given name. Mine means “pretty, charming, beautiful, good and sweet.” I’m glad I was named before my parents knew me. Some people, possibly gardeners, name their children after flowers. Those can be lovely. A good friend named her daughter Lily and she is precious. Another friend, an outstanding woman, is named Heather. Apparently Daisy has, at times, been used as a nickname for Margaret which I couldn’t figure out until I read that the name Marguerite is French for “daisy.” Then there’s Myrtle, Rose, Iris and Violet. Before someone chooses a name for a child, they should try it on. They should open up the back door or raise the window over the kitchen sink and holler, “Carnation, get in here!” If it sounds ridiculous, choose another name. Just to forewarn you, one listing said, “Petunia: outside of the UK, only heard in cow fields.” Milkmaids?
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May6th
Today’s lupper was the best meal of the day…3:30 in the afternoon at Southern Grill (none of that “grille” stuff here). I didn’t think I was very hungry but we figured we’d eat a good meal (meaning full meal) so we wouldn’t have to worry about supper. Can you believe they had liver and onions on the menu?????? Score. I’ll have liver smothered with onions along with spinach…what? No spinach today but you have collards? O. K. Collards it is. Another vegetable, you say? Ahhhh, limas! Yes. I’m done ordering, but wait. I see the list of vegetables on the right side of the menu. I’m sticking with the collards and limas but am very interested in and tempted by another option. Deviled eggs. I love ‘em. I could eat ‘em. But I pull on the reins and hold my tongue. Maybe for dessert. Are deviled eggs really vegetables? I think they are as much a vegetable as macaroni and cheese and we’ve all seen that listed before. We wait. Out come steaming plates the size of Rhode Island. If you’re hungry and you’re in Sussex County and it’s lupper time…
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May4th
There are three questions about belly fat, so I’ve read. Where did it come from? What’s it doing to you? What can you do about it? Ridiculous questions…It came from Aunt Bessie ’cause she had a huge belly and, even though your sister didn’t get one, you unfortunately did. You like raw pie dough and Reese cups. Wanna make something of it? …And, hey, you know what it’s doing to you. It beats you through every door. It makes your pantyhose roll down. What can you do about it? You can appreciate the fact that it feels softer than bread dough that hasn’t been punched down yet.
I learned that fat is like real estate. The three most important things about it are location, location and location. So it’s a matter of geography. There is fat located just under the skin (subcutaneous fat) as well as fat that lives around your vital organs (visceral fat). Whatever.
To measure yourself, you need to follow these simple steps: Do not go near a mirror. Cut a piece of string at least four yards long. Holding one end to your midsection, exhale until your eyes turn red and your face turns blue. If you are still conscious, suck in your gut. Wrap the string as tightly as possible around the slimmest part between your neck and your hip bones. Mark your string. Inhale. Sit down for about 20 minutes or until you don’t see spots anymore. Then measure your string using millimeters. You will feel terrible. Next, measure the string using centimeters. You will feel better. Lastly, measure using inches or feet. Finally, forget that number and go straight to the kitchen and get yourself some Nutella and crackers. Walk tall, shoulders back and with confidence. You are worth it.
If you still feel badly, wear only thinsulate and eat Slim Jims.
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May3rd
Sing along
Posted in: Uncategorized
Peep holes,
Peep holes who need peep holes…
Are the luckiest peep holes
In the world.Thank you, Barbra.